Cannibal
by Pawprints In The Snow
Summary: Sort of a song-fic. Remus and Tonks have a rough scary night. What will it be about? Will someone tragically die? Will they both live for the next sunrise? Is this worth reading? Yes. Just a one-shot, pretty stupid, and written while I listned to Cannibl


A/N: No flames on this. This was totally stupid, and written at 12:29 while listening to Cannibal, by Ke$ha. You know, that could be my fave song by her. XD! So, I know full well this is so very stupid, retarded, and stuff. But my muse came back early, and early in the morning. So just tell me what you thought of it, okay? Oh, and it's better if you actually listen to Cannibal while reading this.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! Not Harry Potter, or the Song Cannibal by Ke$ha, though I wished I owned both!**

Cannibal

A Harry Potter one-shot.

Hope you like.

No summary, sorry, it's just that stupid.

"Remus, why won't you date me?" Tonks pleaded. For the millionth time, I wished I could tell her. Really did.

"I'm too old, too poor, too, umm, vicious." I re-told my crappy lie. This would not work, if she pushed. I'd attack her, pretty much.

"But, Remus, you're kinda cute. Why not? You got nothing to lose." I "Ruh"-ed. It was sorta sounded like a turned-on type of growl. _Shit! All right, Remus, you have got to tell her, now! Oh no, she thinks you're interested. You can do it. I am . . . I am . . ._ I mentally encouraged myself.

"I am cannibal!" I screamed, and clapped my hand over my mouth. I was glad we were the only two inhabiting Grimmauld Place at the time. No one else could hear that.

"What?" Tonks laughed a little. _What, she thinks I'm joking?_ "What do you mean?"

I "Ruh"-ed, and then I looked at her, and could feel my cannibalistic side showing through. I grinned, and she shrank back. I guessed I looked kinda scary. "I have a heart, I swear I do. Just not baby when it comes to you." Tonks eyes popped out of her skull. I was liking this. That was bad. And, everything I was saying was starting to form a beat. It was freaky. "I get so hungry when you say you love me, if you know what's good for you."

"What? What's good for me? I love you, Remus!" In a response, my stomach growled. I glanced down at my mid-section, and back at Tonks.

"I think your hot, I think your cool, you're the kind of gal I'd stalk in school." I moved towards her. She slid down the wall a ways. "But now that I'm famous, you're up my anus, now I'm gonna eat you, fool!" She shrank back, and yelled,

"You're only famous to me!" My mind said, _Exactly. _

I verbally responded by singing, (I was no longer saying) "I eat girls up, breakfast and lunch. Then when I'm thirsty, I drink their blood." I licked my lips. I could smell the fear. All the better. She'd taste good. "Carnivore, animal, I am a cannibal." My voice took on a slightly higher pitch, and I sounded like a famous Pop star, and I definitely sounded like a girl. "I eat girls up. You better run." I gave Tonks a quick look, she gave me one, and took off running.

"I . . . am . . . Cannibal!" I sang, at the top of my voice as I chased her up the stairs. "I am! I . . . am. . . Cannibal! I'll eat you up! I . . . am . . . Cannibal! I am! I . . . am . . . Cannibal! I'll eat you up!" After every cannibal echo two times, traveling through the house. Her feet thudded up the stairs, and I could hear every heart beat. I knew she was trying her hardest to escape, but it wouldn't work.

"Remus, stop!" She screamed! "I thought you were cute! Please, stop!"

My response was perfectly even, following the beat I'd set up for myself. "Whenever you tell me that I'm cute, that's when the hunger REALLY hits me!" I let out a little growl, and it, once-again, sounded like a "Ruh!" Tonks shrieked at me, and I 'Ruh"-ed in response. "You're little heart goes pitter-patter; I want your liver on a platter!" I laughed maniacally.

"REMUS! Please, stop!" She pleaded, as I flying-tackled her, and she was pinned to the floor.

"Use your finger to stir my tea," I leaned in close to her face. "And for dessert I'll suck your teeth." I bared mine, and she let out another shriek, and a plea for help. She surprised me, though, by trying to talk some sense into me after her little-girl outburst.

"Remus, I know you're there, but I have no idea what's wrong. Please, I can help, really. Lemme go, and we'll fix this, together.

I looked down at her. She was trembling, and it grew when I looked at her. I must have been frightening. "Be too sweet, and you'll be a goner." I gave a sweet, little-girl grin, and she gulped, and with a force I didn't know she had, she threw me up. She stood, and came over to me. I was slumped up against the wall. When she was least expecting it, I broke into song.

"Yup! I'll pull a Jeffrey Dahmer" She ran down the hall, and slammed a door shut, at the end of the hall. I slowly began walking down it, singing, "I eat girls up; breakfast and lunch. Then when I'm thirsty, I drink their blood. Carnivore, animal, I am a cannibal. I eat girls up; you better run." I had reached the end of the hall, and the door to which concealed Tonks.

I flung it open, and saw here cowering in the corner. She threw her head up when she hear the door slam, and began whimpering when she saw me. My stomach growled. "I . . . am . . . Cannibal! I am! I . . . am . . . Cannibal! I'll eat you up! I . . . am . . . Cannibal! I am! I . . . am . . . Cannibal! I'll eat you up!" Tonks let out a loud, ear-piercing shriek.

I lifted her up, all the while singing, "Oh, whoa, whoa, oh, oh!" I sang it ten times even. I lied her on the bed. "I . . . am . . . Cannibal! I am! I . . . am . . . Cannibal! I'll eat you up!" I leaned toward her face, as she lay upon the bed, shaking and sobbing.

"No, Remus. It's the wolf. No, Remus, please, I won't bother you again. Please, Remus, no . . ." She relentlessly sobbed.

I belted out another chorus. "I . . . am . . . Cannibal! I am! I . . . am . . . Cannibal! I'll eat you up!" I opened my mouth out wide stretching my jaw. "I love you," I said, leaning I close to her neck.

Tonks whimpered. "I love you. Just do it." I barked out a laugh.

"Heh. I warned you." I was so close to her neck, that my teeth were pressing her skin on her neck. "Ruh!" I chomped down. Tonks let out a scream-a bloody murder scream. That's definitely what this was.

(*)

I woke up, dazed, confused, and on the rough, wooden floor. I didn't know why I slept there. I sat up, all groggy, and rubbed my eyes. I glanced around, and saw blood. Plenty of blood. On my hands, clothes, on the floor; everywhere. I nearly vomited-the smell was over-whelming. "Damn! What happened?" I stood, and saw the sight on the bed. It was Tonks, for I could see traces of pink in her hair around all the blood. "Shit! The stupid Cannibal inside me awoke. She brought this on herself." I shrugged, then realized what the Order would think when they found her, an all the suspicion about her disappearance.

Quickly, I cleaned up the blood, yanked a lock out of her hair, and made the maimed body vanish. I gulped down the small amount of vomit that had crept up my neck. That was gross, but that was the easy part. "Here goes," I used that clump of hair for a base. You see, I was trying to do some complicated magic. I was making a clone, really. It's really kind of easy, but Tonks was a Metamorph. This would be tricky.

But I did it. I opened my amber eyes, and found that I had a perfect Tonks clone. No one would notice the small differences, and I'm not prepared to tell you, so you can't rat on me. I know you think this is silly, I told you the story. But really knows if it was real, or just a dream?

Really, what you believe is up to you. But, remember this, I warned you. Ruh!

A/N: Okaaaay, this turned out creepier than I expected it too. Probably the second most creepy short story I ever told. Yikes! So, what did you think of my little horror story? Did it make sense? I'll make one for Halloween, too. (: Review, please! You guys NEVER do. It's always favorite, or you subscribe. Review, for once. Please?

I do realize that I've used nearly every line EXACT from Ke$ha's song Cannibal. Cry me a river if you don't like.


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